Build Confidence (Even When Things Aren’t Going Your Way)

Hey there, I hope you’re having a great day.

I recently came across an idea that’s changed how I’ve looked at numerous things.

I find it really curious how one new idea or input can really put on a new set of lenses by which we look at the world in front of us.

This idea came from a very unexpected place. I’d like to share it with you today. Hopefully it has some impact on how you think about things as well.

Background Story – Watching NBA Games

Let me set the stage of where I heard this idea to give some context, and then I’ll try to show how I’ve thought about how it applies to things in my life.

This year I’ve really gotten into watching NBA basketball again for the first time since the 90s, when I used to watch the Houston Rockets and Chicago Bulls. Hakeem Olajuwon on the Rockets was my guy.

This year I’ve gotten back for the first time to watching NBA basketball.

I’ve been watching the Denver Nuggets most of the season, and they have had a very tough season this season.

They had four of their starters out injured most of the year, including one of their guys, the center Nikola Jokic, “the Joker”. He’s considered by many to be the best basketball player in the world.

Nikola has been out about three weeks now with an injury, and the Nuggets have been playing very shorthanded. Their backup point guard and their backup center also were out injured! They’ve been really having a rough time of things.

They have jokingly said they’re playing with their “hospital squad.” It’s basically the minor league guys that have been stepping up playing, trying to win by the “power of friendship!” I’ve been watching them and truly enjoying it. The team has actually done pretty well, even with so many people out.

The Nuggets have fought really hard to get some hard, hard wins. They’ve lost some games by a few points. They’ve won by a few points. They have been staying in the mix.

All of this context sets the stage for a week or two ago.

The Denver Nuggets Were Getting Absolutely Stomped

They played, I believe it was the Charlotte Hornets, and in the fourth quarter the Denver Nuggets were down by about 30 points. If you’ve watched much basketball, 30 points in a quarter is a large gap to make up. You’re probably not going to cover that distance, and so the game is pretty much over, even though there were 12 minutes left to play, and this is where the phrase popped up that really stuck with me.

One of the announcers said, Katie Winge, repeated this phrase a few times.

She said, “How You Lose Matters”.

It matters how you lose!

I thought through that concept a little bit.

How You Lose Matters

It’s not talking just about having good sportsmanship and shaking their hand afterwards.

There’s some degree of the level to which you apply yourself, even when you know things are hopeless, that determines how you approach the next step – either with momentum or with friction.

Accepting Defeat

When you’re down by 30 and there’s no coming back, you can hang your head and just get real sad and sort of curl up and give in and think, “Who cares? Why bother?”

Or you can keep doing the best that you can do.

If you DO hang your head and sort of give up mentally, well, then the next game you play on the back-to-back tomorrow or a few days later, you’re going to go into that already mentally defeated, a bit broken, feeling bad about yourself.

Your confidence will have dropped.

Doing Your Best

If instead you finish out the game that you’re losing by 30, doing your best even though there’s no hope you’re coming back.

You’re not playing hard because you’re going to win. You’re playing hard because it is building yourself up.

If you play that way instead, you can come back the next day and just start the game with a fresh slate, playing your best. You’re not carrying over negativity.

Building Confidence When Things Aren’t Going Your Way—Applied To Business

This idea of “it matters how you lose” has stuck in my head over the past few weeks since I’ve heard it and has popped up a few different ways that I can share.

It was very fascinating to think about how you can actually lose and gain confidence EVEN THOUGH YOU LOST if you play this way, and you also could win and lose confidence if you didn’t apply the opposite idea.

So how does this apply in a bigger scheme to what I think about in life?

There are times when you’re interacting with a prospect in business, and you’re sure that you’ve had a client slip through your fingers. You’re not going to get the sale on that particular opportunity.

How you manage that matters a lot, and it’s not just keeping a door open for the future.

It is

• How you treat yourself,
• How you talk to yourself in that moment,
• How you follow up,
• How you behave in a way you can be proud of.

That is what lets you leave that interaction with confidence, so you’re ready for your next at bat.

You have a better chance of having a better outcome the next time because of “how you lost.”

How Is Confidence Formed?

I think it’s interesting that confidence is formed by doing actions that have a certain result.

Whenever you do an action and you have a positive result, that builds confidence that you can have that positive outcome happen again and again.

Being confident is not something that just happens between your ears where you just “think confident thoughts” or repeat “I’m confident, I’m confident.”

It’s the result of doing things and then having the result happen, and then seeing that pattern and saying I’m justified in having confidence.

Always Do Your Best

One way I’ve been focusing on myself in various areas of my life has been on trying to hang in there, even when things are tough – to some degree, just doing my best.

If you like the book The Four Agreements, “Always Do Your Best” is one of the Agreements.

It’s the same kind of principle.

So, if you’re struggling, I want to remind you of the quote that helped me out in hopes it helps you out as well.

How you lose matters!

Even if things are hopeless and you’re not going to win in your current interaction, losing by doing your best allows you to not let that loss carry forward. You can leave it in your past and go forward with even more confidence than before you’d racked it up.

Again, hopefully it has an impact on you. It did on me. I’ve thought about it probably 30 or 40 times in the past week or two since I first heard it.

Have a wonderful day.

Best of luck to you.